One issue that has given me great concern in recent times is how perverse our world has become. Hardly can you find someone of the opposite sex who wants a ‘friendship only’ relationship. By this I mean, it is very difficult these days to be friend to someone of the opposite sex, without the person thinking or suspecting you are up to something.
The world has gone that perverse! Take for instance, a guy to a lady. The guy becomes friend to a lady and after say, 3 weeks of ‘intense’ friendship, the lady poses the question at him: “Bros, what do you really want?”
What is it with this generation? The morally deficient musicals and movies constantly thrown in our face aren’t helping matters. It celebrates immorality and polluted relationships, thus making one suspicious of the intentions of a member of the opposite sex, no matter how unsuspecting it comes.
I had an experience not quite long that proved to me that there is indeed a breed of people in our generation who have refused to be blown by the mediocrity and moral bankruptcy that has invaded the land.
Some time ago, I visited one of the south eastern states of Nigeria, Enugu, for an official assignment. This was my first time visit to this part of Nigeria. The journey was about 6 hours from my base. No direct flight from my city, I was left with no option than to travel by road.
As we journeyed, my prayer was that we don’t get to the town by night-time. Guess you know how terrible it could be when you get to an ‘unfamiliar’ terrain all by yourself at night.
“At least, if we get to the last bus-stop before 6pm, I will get somebody to give me a little guide on where I could spend the night and possibly do some other stuffs?” I kept encouraging myself.
I wasn’t that lucky after all, we got to the town few minutes 7pm. As we approached the last bus-stop, some passengers started coming down as they reached their stop points, thus making my choice for a guide slimmer. Sadly enough, I had no specific stop point. The ‘city’ was my own stop point.
We finally got to the last bus-stop, the bus was now occupying 4 persons; the driver, myself, a lady and another guy. The guy hadn’t given a friendly look all the while the journey lasted, and I suspect it was a facade as he wasn’t too conversant with the city, judging from the way he kept starring at virtually every high-rise building in the city as we journeyed along.
The driver wasn’t even an option as he was already infuriated that passengers were “dropping anyhow” as though his motor vehicle was some local ‘taxi’.
To save myself any form of embarrassment, I just encouraged myself that this guy wasn’t an option to rely on.
My final option was a lady. I had noticed this sister avidly reading a Christian literature as we journeyed to this town. I suspected 3 things: either she was a born again Christian or maybe she resorted to reading because the journey was boring or maybe she was trying to impress God-knows-who. You never can conclude with ladies.
But, even if my three assumptions were correct, she still was a better option.
Oops, I almost forgot to tell you! I refuse to entertain the thought of relying on bystanders for help. There is well-known trick played out by fraudsters: they pretend to be stranded travellers, trying to win the sympathy of unsuspecting individuals, they end up playing several tricks on them that end up costing the sympathizers their valuables - in some cases, their lives.
Consequently, even sincere transit travellers or first timers don’t get or enjoy the sympathy and attention of the people.
Anyway, Tivi (that’s her name) was my only option. Like they say: when your chances are none or slim, you go with slim. I just had to. So, I approached Tivi and asked her if she knew any hotel close to the University of Nigeria, Enugu campus. I told her that I came for an official assignment and I needed any good but low-cost hotel around. I asked if she knew any.
Politely, she offered to help out. She took me to a local bus-stop where I could get a taxi that will take me to the heart to the city where I could get hotels to choose from. Maybe I didn’t say this earlier, I didn’t have enough money with me and I deliberately left my ATM card in my base to avoid using it at the slightest “I-am-almost-broke” instance. I didn’t have so much money in my bank account that could permit the luxury of unbudgeted spending on this trip.
Tivi entered the taxi with me because, according to her, it was also heading towards her direction. As the taxi got to her bus-stop, she came down and told me to do same.
Who was I not to? Moreover, how was I to know this wasn’t also my ‘destination’?
We alighted from the taxi and made for the other side the road. I was in the dark as to where we were headed. Tivi read my mind and immediately told me she wanted to save my money, she added that she stays alone, and that she was having an all-night prayer in meeting church that evening.
She suggested that I could pass the night in her place and leave for my engagement the next morning, if didn’t mind.
Trouble! I wasn’t comfortable with this help! Hell no! Though this is what I may have, should have or would have prayed for, but face-to-face with its reality made me very uncomfortable.
This brother was scared to his marrows. I started asking myself questions like “what kind of trouble have I entered?”
Why was I scared? This isn’t normal in our society. Ideal things are no more natural in our society. Somebody cannot just offer a ‘I-don’t-know-you-from-Adam’ stranger to stay in her house, for the whole night. She wasn’t even leaving the house for me with somebody; she was ‘giving’ me the house for the night.
I accepted to sleep at her place. At this moment, I was like a monkey tempted with a seemingly poisonous bunch of banana - it was already dark and I just needed a place to spend the night and this new arrangement reduced quite a lot of stress from my pocket!
As we walked to her place, I kept praying within me: “Father, preserve me from my ‘enemies’ this once and I will testify about this experience”. Irrespective of how much of a macho you think you are, certain things are bound to still scare you. Me? I was scared!
Spending a night in a stranger’s place? The thought was really awful. If only I was paying for it, I won’t be this scared. So many asinine thoughts were flowing in my head, right from the bus-stop till we got to her house.
When we finally got to her ‘house’, she introduced to me her best friend; I really can’t remember very clearly, but I think her name is Angel.
Angel is equally a nice person; she received me very lovingly, it seemed to me like everything had been pre-planned. Tivi equally introduced a couple of her student-neighbours to me. I later discovered she was a student of Institute of Management & Technology [IMT], Enugu. Most probably, she was in her finals.
We chatted for some time; I wasn’t still my normal self all through the discussion. I still ‘feared fear’.
All this while I hadn’t entered the room - my ‘lodge’ for the night, I found comfort in the warm ambience of the veranda. I played a complete ‘zombie’.
Like an over-trained kid would do, I told myself that if she didn’t tell me to sit, I won’t. So, I waited for her to tell me to come in before I did.
Tivi is without a doubt a great person; she introduced me to her friends as her ‘friend’. I was amazed. This gave me some form of respect before her other friends, far from what could have been if she had said I was a stranger she that just needed help for the night. Imagine how her folks would have viewed me!
Well, she and her ‘Angel’ friend offered to fix me something to eat, I refused. Far from reality, I wasn’t belly-filled, I was still very scared. Anyway, I had nice discussions with few of Tivi’s co-student neighbours.
Finally, she left for the all-night prayer meeting, together with some of her co-tenants and neighbours. They actually attend the same church. I was now all alone in the room. I truly had a great time, alone. I managed to make it fun.
I wondered endlessly if all “this love shown me was sincere”.
Morning reached and the “all-nighters” returned ‘home’. They entertained me with gist of whom and who slept during the prayers and who didn’t. Tivi cared enough to ask if I read during the night for my presentations, I was really amazed. This type of care can only be likened to the kind that Jesus can show. I was astounded beyond words. “Why all this interest?” I kept asking myself.
It was now a ‘fully bright’ day and I had gotten all-dressed up and ready to hit the street. She saw me off to where I was to take a taxi to the University of Nigeria, Nsukka where my engagement was. She later asked me to call her when I return to my base so she will know I arrived safely.
Though it’s been a very long time now, but I still remember TIVI, as though it was yesterday. I dare say she’s been the kindest of all humans I have met.
Whoever knows this young lady called Tivi should please send her my love, prayers and regards. She is indeed my heroine! I believe she graduated from IMT, Enugu [maybe it was ESUT… just can’t place it in my head] with the 2006/2007 session, can’t really figure that out. Indeed, she is a great person and I hoping I see her
From my experience with Tivi, my resolve to help and show love to people unreservedly and selflessly has become stronger. This, I believe, is the easiest way to make lasting impressions in people’s life. Tivi didn’t give me money, she gave care. She showed love. If she had acted ‘questionably’, I would have long forgotten her face, memory of her and her name. But, several years after, I still haven’t seen any man or woman like ANGEL TIVI.
Folks, we must choose to be our brother’s keeper, irrespective of the strength of our relationship with them. Every one of us is on earth for our brothers and sisters. Our brothers and sisters are not just those we are biologically connected to, they are those we see every day – those equally created in the image and likeness of our great God.
I recall this story today; it is also to bolster the all important blessing of having unselfish friendship with a member of the opposite. I mustn’t date you to help you.
We must stop being extensions of the immorality and lopsided way that life has been reduced to. Though this perversion has enjoyed huge applause from society, it still doesn’t make it right. Untainted friendship with a member of the opposite sex is still and very possible – just make sure that you are a reliable part of the pair.
The bible puts it this was, “he that needs a friend must first prove himself friendly…”
You must happen!
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