TEMPORALLY MENTAL...

I once had a friend who lost a relationship so dear to him owing to his temperamental problems. The sad part was that he wasn’t willing to change or seek help. He just saw it as part of his make-up.

On a certain Sunday afternoon after church service, I made up my mind to talk to him. The sum of what I told him is that being TEMPERAMENTAL is being short sighted... Also, when you check out the synonyms of temperamental, you will discover that words like UNRELIABLE and UNTRUSTWORTHY are used. Which implies that a temperamental person cannot be trusted because his moods are inconsistent. Poor management of his/her emotions always betray them.
To my mind, a temperamental person is TEMPORALLY MENTAL.
While this article is not intended to outrightly condemn temperamental individuals, it is however my style when i speak or write to first say things as they are, then proffer solutions...

As a temperamental person, you effortlessly lose the point you are sweating hard to pass across. I have seen folks who out of anger said words they could not retrieve and others who destroyed properties they could not pay for. I believe that in many instances, our point is better made with silence... Without any doubt, it is easy to manage our temperament. You must not be under the control of situations. The Holy bible says: “...when [even] a fool keeps cool, he is assumed to be wise...”

I want o share with you an article I believe will effortlessly drive home my point. I read this piece about 1week ago, it was written by Samson Milla Akpaka and titled HOW TO CONTROL BAD TEMPER.

Once there was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he would have to hammer a nail into the fence in the backyard. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally, the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to control his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him back to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, you also leave scars just like these holes."

Next time you are about to lose your cool with someone dear to you, think about the fence full of holes and reconsider. When all is said and done, “YOU CAN NEVER TAKE BACK SOMETHING YOU SAY BUT YOU CAN SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE APOLOGIZING FOR IT."

THE DANGERS OF UNRESTRAINED ANGER!

For what? I won’t let go!

Not in this life, I must get my pound of flesh!

Me? Never! I must fight back!

Let the heavens fall, my mind is made up – he must go through same pains I went through!

When you hear words like these, it is a pointer that some person is incensed, exasperated or enraged at some other person, event or experience and thus has his/her mind made up on some form of REVENGE! More like, pay-back!

Perhaps I should start this piece by saying that anger is common to man. Each one of us was designed to get angry at some point or the other; it is in our make-up. In other words, every man’s anger has a price tag! The Holy bible doesn’t condemn anger; it only spoke against UNCONTROLLED anger. This, in most cases, is what leads to revenge. I always tell my folks that "before you embark on a revenge plot, make sure you dig two graves – one for you and the other for your target." What’s my point? Revenge always takes something from you. It takes more than it brings! It puts you on a lower level against the person who offended you. It makes you look guiltier!

ANGER IS A PROSPECTIVE DESTROYER. It also doesn't respect gender or age; it ruins anybody who can’t control or keep it in check! Many marriages and relationships have been wrecked on the wings of this destroyer! Many folks have lost their jobs and source of livelihood because they couldn’t manage their anger. A number of well-known celebrities and personalities have been seen fighting and cursing in public arenas because they couldn’t keep their anger in check.

When you fail to control your anger, you will inevitably ruin yourself, your dreams and become a disappointment to those who love you. Let me stress this again: ANGER IS NOT A SIN; IT BECOMES A SIN WHEN IT IS NOT CONTROLLED. By the way, there is old maxim that say: "keep your temper to yourself, nobody needs it..."

Guess you can still remember the story of Moses, it was [uncontrolled] anger that ruined him.... despite all the wonderful things he did for God and his people, anger deprived him of getting his reward. He patiently waited for his reward for forty years, yet [uncontrolled] anger killed his dream...

Beyond uncontrolled anger, there is another twist to this, it is called: misdirected anger! Misdirected anger is as awful as uncontrolled anger. More often than not, it has wrecked many [business and romantic] relationships and marriages!

I have seen folks who were annoyed, irritated or frustrated by certain events or individuals, only to end up visiting their anger on innocent people. I mean, discharging their anger on people who are totally unrelated to it... Transferring aggression to the next available 'object', despite its innocence!

There are husbands who were been frustrated by certain individuals or [work] issues, only to end up unleashing their anger on their [innocent] wives... ANGER IS POWER ONLY WHEN IT IS CONSTRUCTIVELY AND SENSIBLY DIRECTED.

Dear friends, there are trouble-free and uncomplicated ways to handle/manage anger, irrespective of its height. To start with, see anger as a potential destroyer – let it sink in your brains! Nobody needs your temper, keep it! More so, when anger is not controlled, you lose the point you are trying to make.

So, when you are been irritated or exasperated by certain situations or someone, choose to see it as a challenge to prove something, certainly not to your disadvantage! That situation could be an avenue to prove the level of your maturity and self-control. Besides, you will lose nothing if you refuse to act wild!

The late Florence Nightingale was facing certain annoying situations at her place of work and was constantly been frustrated by her [work] colleagues, she chose to see it as a challenge to get to the top of her game, by all [legal] means possible. She did!

Dear friend, make it a deliberate choice to learn wisdom from every situation you are faced with. Avoid any action that will make you look guiltier than whoever offended you. Besides, you don’t have to whine, gripe or fight over everything. Life is too valuable to be wasted living in anger and constant bitterness

This closing point is very very important point: don’t be friends with angry people, else you will learn their ways – this counsel is straight from the Holy bible, God's word!

Therefore, if you are a business owner or a team leader and you notice some UNREPENTANT broody, angry, resentful and indignant fellow in your team, get rid of them as fast as you can, else they will infect others and crumble your entire organization.

Finally dear friend, if you fear God, comply with every bit of His word. The bible says: “anger rest in the bosom of fools...”
What this definitely means is that if you allow anger stay with you over a long period of time, you are equated to a fool.
There are folks who have a bad habit of keeping quarrels with people for ages, they find it impossible to let go! It shouldn’t surprise you that some of these individuals who are in the habit of ‘preserving’ anger at some point even forget what made them angry...

Dear friend, never ever sleep with anger in your heart... Let it go!

LIFE LESSONS (2)

God Almighty created and conditioned man for continuous increase. All through our lives, we are developing and growing, from birth till death.

However, we are daily made by the little and insignificant deeds, acts, decision and thoughts we express..... We are constantly being recreated and reformed on a daily basis... We are becoming our future by our transitory existence.... we are transforming ourselves by what we are doing and thinking.

We grow strong or weak by what we do daily. While some are hoping and expecting to live, this is life for you – we are already here!

Dear friend, handle today wisely, invest it. Do the little or much you can with what you have, from where you are and however you can.

Great minds like Benson Idahosa, Tiger Woods or Oprah were not made in the open or by one breakthrough or accomplishment... They were made in the secret recess of their private practices where no eye could see them. The stage or field is an opportunity embracing prepared and trained personality. Develop your greatness; there will surely be a day for your EXPRESSION.

Develop yourself to be a resourceful person, trained and skilled in the shadows of your privacy.

You must happen!

WHAT THE HATERS WANT!

It is natural with humans to be envious of whoever is doing what they can't do or gotten what they haven't. Fact is, it doesn't matter which continent you live in, you can't be alienated from these kind of people.

'Enemies' are everywhere; don’t be fooled to think you don’t have any. If you are a human being, you will have critics and oppositions. These people are pursuing a goal, a dream and a purpose that opposes yours. There are people who will never be comfortable with your success, NEVER EVER INVEST THE LEAST OF YOUR TIME WITH SUCH PERSONS.

Stop trying to make people like you before you do anything, your dream doesn’t need fans! Fulfil your vision, because everyone including your enemies respects results. If you fail they will hate you, but if you produce results they will result. Why waste away waiting for their sympathy when you've not done anything?

Keep working on your dream, silently keep building greatness, refuse to be drawn into a quarrel. They just want to distract you.... They will them talk, they will try to pull you down.... Like the aeroplane, let every wind that comes push you further the ladder of greatness.

From experience, I have discovered that people don’t give a thought about you until you decide to give your life some direction. Negative words and statement are signs that your vision and drive is offending somebody. Don’t be pressured into explaining anything!

Let me share this secret: the hidden value of your dream and its interpretation is not hidden from those divinely sent to help you. You will always identify those meant to help you!

Like the wise men that came to Jesus, they will read and decode your star from a distance.

It is not explanation your haters and oppositions need, it is separation – don’t waste time with those who don’t believe in you. It is what it is: A WASTE OF TIME!

Vision accomplished is the only way to make peace with your ‘enemies’.

You must happen!

DEFINING YOUR CROWD!

You will always be like those you associate with. I have always believed that another term for communication is ‘Brain Modification’....

those we associate with are always modifying our brains.

So, if you are not happy the way your life is turning out, change your association. On the other hand, if you are happy the way things are going for you, do everything to maintain your current relationships.

Walk with the dreamers. Walk with the believers. Walk with the courageous. Walk with the cheerful. Walk with the planners. Walk with the doers. Walk with the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground. Walk with those who are not threatened by your little success and your dreams of the future. Walk with those who have ideas with passion to help and lift you......

Let their spirit ignite a fire within you to leave this world better that what you found in it..... Associate with the creative people wherever you find them, pocket your pride – content has got nothing to do with age.

Talking about age consciousness, this is not just peculiar with Nigerians, I think it is an African problem. The average Africa is consumed by the 'size' of his age. Expectedly, this largely depends on the kinds of people he associates with. He will rather make friend with his 'age mate', than a younger fellow who apparently has what he lacks... To my mind, this is one of the main reasons the only achievement the average African has to his name is his age..................

Irrespective of chronology, when you see someone who is doing or knows what you are breaking your head to know or do, please associate with them! Protect that friendship, it determines where your future is headed.... Make friends with them, go where they go, talk with them, appreciate them, listen to them, be open and receptive to them, let them inspire you. Catch their attitudes, their ways of thinking and living.

The world is limited and small, our dreams and visions are limitless and great, we must patiently persist in growing our greatness, in a very limiting world, most importantly as a developing nation.

Hope is the pillar that holds up the world, keeps it ablaze.... I have always said that as humans, we can survive without food or water for a considerable number of days, but we cannot survive without hope for a day. Hopelessness is the reason for suicide and several other dehumanizing activities or acts people get involved in. Hopelessness!

Associate with those doing what you are dreaming of, those on the same lane you are traveling on... This builds your hope, encourages, you and gives you a positive sense of living.

You must happen!

LIFE LESSONS...

Life is a puzzle, a mystery! What the system strives for is not what works. Ignorance of the principle and operation of what greatness really means has kept the world in its present state for a long time, particularly Nigeria.

We have often failed to agree that greatness is acquired by acting as servants and learning to accept instructions. Only those who subject themselves to strict discipline and service will experience greatness. Proud and arrogant souls never attained greatness, neither the timid or those who lived in fear.
Humility is the pillar of greatness, it cannot be transfered or taught. It is gotten by self-discovery.

Life is now, stop brooding about yesterday's defeat. Refuse to be cheated! No one has a monopoly of life, success or greatness.
I have always held as true the believe that anybody can be great and truly achieve whatever he sets his heart to. The godfather factor and favoritism that has clipped our wings of national success will soon become history. A new breed of people who have the right perspective to life are warming up [they are in their individual refineries, developing and building themselves for national impact], ready to take charge on every side... in Nigeria and beyond! In the very near future, they will step out on the horizon to take charge of things and re-write our national story.

However, dear friend, be true to yourself, be simple and humble. Life is complex already without YOU.
Things don't just turn up in this world until somebody turns them up, and only a fine-tuned man can turn things up. Connect with your God, Creator and Maker. I believe that no matter the volumes of books you have read or have, if God is not in the picture, your life will be reduced to a struggle.

On a final note, man is made by his thoughts, his world is made by his acts. We all make mistakes but to live and reach for your dreams is the bliss of life... living daily, doing our best and reaching for our goals is the fulfillment of life.

YOU CAN'T GO FAR WITHOUT IT!

The common denominator between successful individuals and the very successful ones is DISCIPLINE.
Nothing can substitute for DISCIPLINE. The Holy book says: “If a man falls in the day of challenges and difficulties, he is of little strength and no character...” The true test that you are a person of character is revealed in your choices when nobody is looking and when challenges shows up in the ‘dark’. You can't pretend for long, tricks are meant for kids and adults who still bask in it always become gallant losers at the end.

Dear friend, if you desire to be successful, work on developing your character. Reputation isn't everything. Reputation is who people think you are, character is your real identity. In most instances, the reputation and the character of a lot of people do not correlate. Their reputation is simply what they want the public to believe...
Tell yourself the truth; you know the areas you are lacking in - work on it, on time! If only you can develop your character, you will attract good things [relationship, finances, helpers, wisdom..] in your direction.

Everything is produced from something! Everything we do is a seed, IT MUST GROW! I believe there is no soil as fertile as life. Therefore, if you cannot handle the ‘harvest’, stay away from ‘planting’.
YOUR FUTURE IS ALWAYS A HARVEST OF YOUR PAST. Any man or woman who wants to have an enviable future cannot afford the luxury of being a loosed canal or a morally bankrupt individual.

Be a person of character, stick with your principles - it pays!
NEVER EVER LOWER THE BAR BECAUSE YOU ARE LONELY OR BECAUSE NO ONE IS STANDING WITH AND FOR YOU.
The gains of foolishness and carelessness are always temporal. But, the pains last for a lifetime...